I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
