Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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