haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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