WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
