Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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