awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
