i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
