ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
