We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
