i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
