before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
