Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i dont even know how to be here
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
