So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
