I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
