nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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