hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
