if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
