After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
