summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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