I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
