im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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