My girlfriend figured out who you are.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
