..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
