They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have fence marks all over my body
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
