Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
