The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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