Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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