I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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