I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
