am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
