There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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