He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
