ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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