Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
