how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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