i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
