Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
