RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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