I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
