Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
