M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
