2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
