I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
