It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
