I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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