I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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