Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
