we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
