If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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