Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
