Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
